Subs cleaned & corrected by Tronar
♪ [Piano: Melancholic] ♪
stocks here in London. The Financial Times 100 Index up 11 points...
just above the key 3,800 level.
As for the rest' of Europe, Frankfurt's DAX gaining nine points...
2,532.
In Paris, the CAC 40 losing seven, a weaker franc weighing on the market.
Thank you, Ilsa.
Have a nice day.
actually are on time this morning, according to dispatchers.
San Francisco's freeways are -
- Morning, sir. - Well, tell me what we 're supposed to do.
I mean, you may be perched on majority shares...
but we all get fucked if the actuals crash.
That old man is gonna sink us.
Soon as I have Baer-Grant's P&L report in hand...
I will be speed-dialing your number.
- Is that a promise? - I'm sorry. I'm not aware of that term.
Well, what do I do if Anson calls about a substantiation procedure?
Take evasive action. Have your secretary say you're in a meeting.
Thank you, Jack. Yes, Maria?
- Invitations. - Mm-hmm.
- The museum gala? - No.
The Fitzwilliam Botanical annual fundraiser?
- No. - The Hinchberger wedding.
Hinchberger wedding?
Tuxedos, droning conversations - I don't think so, no.
I'll send your regrets.
Honestly, why must I bother?
You don't know about society, Maria. You don't have the satisfaction of avoiding it.
Yes?
I have an Elizabeth on line three.
- Your ex-Wife. - I know who it is.
Take a message.
Oh, happy birthday, sir.
Thank you, Maggie.
I don't like her.
I wouldn't even mention the following, but he was very insistent.
- It's obviously some sort of prank. - What'?
Well, a gentleman called requesting lunch with you.
I tried to assure him that you were very busy.
- What's his name? - A Mr. Seymour Butts.
“Under the Bleachers, by Seymour Butts
I'm sorry?
Cancel my lunch. Make a reservation at the City Club...
for myself and Mr. Butts - my usual table.
Maria, put the reservation under my name.
- Are you ready to order, sir? - No, I'm still waiting.
This was iced tea.
Conrad. What a surprise.
Happy birthday, Nicky.
“Seymour Butts.” I'll never get tired of that one.
That's why it's a classic.
- This is a nice restaurant. They gave me a free jacket. - I'm sure they're gonna want it back.
- I remember being here a long time ago. - Yeah, I took you here once.
No. I used to buy crystal meth off the maitre d'.
- Oh, really? - In college.
Which college?
Touché. Miss me?
As much as that's possible. You look good.
So do you. To think I was worried.
- Worried about me? - How long has it been since Mom's funeral?
Two, three years?
- I thought you quit. - I did. It didn't take.
Well, you can't smoke here.
I'm with you.
It's illegal to smoke in restaurants in California.
Fuck California.
- How are you? - Couldn't be better.
- Elizabeth? - We're divorced.
She remarried a pediatrician, or a gynecologist, or a pediatric gynecologist.
Lives in Sausalito.
That's too bad. I liked her.
And what about you?
What, you don't keep track of me anymore?
Not since family week at rehab.
So what brings you to town, Conrad?
- Everything all right? - Yeah.
- Need anything? - No.
- Really? - No, I don't need anything from you.
I just... found myself laying naked on a beach near Ibiza...
and all of a sudden it clicked:
October 12 - Nicky's birthday.
October 11.
Whatever.
Hmm.
- This is for you. - You shouldn't have.
Well, what do you get for the man who has everything?
“Consumer Recreation Services.”
- Well, I do have golf clubs. - Call that number.
Why?
They make your life fun.
- “Fun”? - You know what that is?
You've seen other people have it.
- It's an entertainment service. - An escort service?
A profound life experience.
- Sorry. Uh - - No, that's all right.
- Just - - Tell me you'll call.
- I said I would. - No, you didn't.
You still on medication?
- Why would you say that? - You gentlemen ready to order?
- I didn't mean it the way it sounded. - I'm not on anything.
I'm not even seeing a shrink.
And I feel great. Do you mind?
I think you'll like this. I did.
And it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
- I'll call, hmm? - Do it. For you.
I said I'll call, okay? All right, I'll call.
It's just that, uh, I hate surprises.
I know.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, Mr. Van Orton ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Someone's got to fly to Seattle and drive a stake through Anson's heart.
Have you seen the profitability report?
You can imagine how much more unhappy I am.
- So, you're gonna deal with Anson? - That's correct.
We're furious.
- Sleep well, Nicholas. - I will.
Good night, Ilsa.
- Dinner's in the oven. - Thank you.
Oh. I saw Conrad today.
Did you? How is he?
He's okay. I think he's in one of those...
personal improvement cults or something.
Well, send my love if you see him again.
- Happy birthday. - Good night.
From companies that defaulted on their payments.
The FCC expects to receive...
more than $500 million in bids as the licenses -
- Elizabeth, good evening. - Happy birthday, Nicky.
11:40. You almost missed it this year.
- Have you had a nice birthday? - Does Rose Kennedy have a black dress?
I went not once but twice through the spanking machine.
I can only imagine.
How are you?
- Connie asked me the same thing today. - Connie? Really?
I always liked your brother.
Anyway?
I just thought this might be difficult for you.
Just another birthday.
Because of your father...
That's right. He was 48, wasn't he?
I hadn't really thought about it until now.
Why do I call?
I honestly don't know.
Please send Dr. Mel and Rachel my best.
She has a little brother on the way.
We did the ultrasound.
Official nuclear family.
You must be very pleased.
We are. We are very pleased.
Well, it's good to talk with you.
I guess I should let you go.
Take care of yourself.
You too, Nicholas. I mean that. I really do.
Uh-huh. Be well. Bye.
A proposal to encourage small businesses...
to provide their employees with health insurance...
is now being debated by Washington legislators.
The bill, which attaches small-business health plans to those. ..
Of larger corporations, is receiving initial support...
from a number of key Republican leaders.
However, Democratic lawmakers...
are voicing serious concerns about the bill....
claiming it would undermine local efforts -
I just want to make sure that we understand each other.
Once you get it down on paper...
then you can count on my full support.
- We understand. - Thank you.
We'll talk soon.
No.
Well, you shouldn't feel this reflects negatively on you.
- Well, I do feel it reflects... - I received this...
Just a moment.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I understand. We hope we haven't caused you any inconvenience.
Thank you for choosing CRS.
Mr. Feingold, could you assist this gentleman?
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Jim Feingold, VP, engineering and data analysis.
I don't know exactly how this works. My brother sent me this card.
Oh, here we go. Yeah. All right. Excellent.
Well, let's get started.
Yeah, I'm sorry about, you know...
all this hullabaloo here.
We're still moving.
I got an office around here somewhere.
Well, it's -
You mind holding that?
Thank you very much.
Okay.
Thank you. Are you hungry'? New Moon Cafe.
- No, thank you. - Best in Chinatown.
A gift from Conrad Van Orton.
- Interesting. - What is?
Well, your brother was a client with our London branch.
We do a sort of informal scoring, and his numbers were outstanding.
Really? Hmm.
- You sure you're not hungry? - No, thank you.
Okay, fine. Now, you need to fill out these forms.
There's an application...
and a couple of psych tests there - the MMPI and the PAP.
Oh, for the financial questionnaire...
don't answer anything you don't feel like.
We'll run a TRW.
“I sometimes hurt small animals. True or false?"
“I feel guilty when I masturbate.”
Well, I don't write the questions.
I just review the answers.
- What is this for? - Well, to give us an overall sense of your capabilities.
No, what is this for? What are you selling?
Oh. It's a game.
- A game? - Specifically tailored for each participant.
Think of it as a great vacation.
Except you don't go to it, it comes to you.
Well, what - what kind of vacation?
It's different every time.
Humor me with specifics.
We provide...
whatever's lacking.
- And what if nothing is lacking? - May I make two suggestions?
You really think that I'll participate without knowing any -
First, admit to yourself that it sounds intriguing.
Second, you don't have to decide today.
Take the silly tests, fill out the stupid forms.
One day your game begins.
You either love it or hate it. Decide then.
You know, we're like...
an experiential book-of-the-month club.
You can drop out at any time with no further obligation.
That was my sales pitch.
How long will this take?
- About an hour for those, another hour for the physical. - "Physical"?
It's a cursory examination. Turn-your-head-and-cough sort of thing.
You'll be out of here in no time.
Confused.
Risky.
Bloody.
Whoops.
Mr. Sutherland called about Baer-Grant Publishing.
Cancel it. Push it back till Wednesday.
And Anson Baer called about tomorrow.
- Tomorrow? - Yes.
- How much longer is this gonna take? - Shouldn't be long. You're almost done.
You said that two hours ago. All right. Put it back until tomorrow.
...for the following emotional responses.
You have point-nine seconds to continue your emotional responses.
Reaction time is a factor.
Please make a selection for the following emotional responses.
You have point-nine seconds...
Does this thing end?
- Sorry to keep you waiting. - Oh, don't worry.
It's been just terrific spending my entire day with your crack team.
Well, it's all down to this. This is an insurance company requirement.
It states that you're aware that the game exists...
and that you're a willing participant in said game, and so on and so forth.
Our guarantee. Payment's entirely at your brother's discretion as a gift.
It's dependent on your satisfaction.
Does that mean if I'm not happy, he doesn't have to pay?
That's never happened. We've never had an unsatisfied customer.
I think you mean “dissatisfied.”
That's right. You're a left-brained word fetishist. Initials, initials...
and sign there... in blood.
Just kidding.
All right. Now, your copy will be at the front desk in this folder...
and - Well, keep the pen.
We'll let you know.
- What about Monday or Tuesday? - No, that's bad for me.
- Well, how about tonight? - Well, I'm working all this evening.
Wednesday's the only possibility right now.
- You want to do dinner? - Okay.
By the way, I went to CRS.
Really? What'd you think?
Well, they seem just a little bit disorganized.
Well, when I did it in London, they'd been around a while.
- Are you gonna do this? - Oh, I haven't decided yet.
I'm telling you, it's like getting in on the ground floor of the next Disneyland.
CRS won't go public. They're family-owned.
Mm, stranger things have happened.
No, they haven't, actually.
They opened here - the game - in San Francisco?
See? They're doing fine without any of us.
- Nicholas, how are you? - James, good evening.
- Good evening, sir. - Got new members here?
Believe so, sir.
- Put their next round on me. - Gotcha, sir.
No, no, no, no.
Last time I played Pebble, I swore I'd never pick up another club again.
Well, speaking about games...
I couldn't help but overhear you talking about CRS.
The reason I mention it is...
I took the test today at the Montgomery Street office.
You did? Kudos.
- So yours hasn't started yet? - No, not yet.
That was one of the questions What is it?
- Ah, “What is it”? - The eternal question.
You know, I envy you. I wish I could go back...
and do it for the first time, all over again.
Here's to...
new experiences.
Mm. If you'll excuse me, I gotta go. Night, Ted.
- Mm. - Nicholas.
Nice to meet you.
So you played recently?
Oh, about a year ago.
I was working in Los Angeles.
I hear the London office is very good too.
Sounds like a lot of fantasy role-playing nonsense though.
You want to know what it is?
What it's all about?
John chapter 9, verse 25.
I, um, haven't been to Sunday school in a long time.
“Whereas once I was blind...
now I can see.”
Good night, Nicholas.
Best of luck.
Good night.
If the Baer-Grant meeting...
is not held tomorrow...
it may as well not be held at all.
When Mr. Van Orton boards his plane on the morrow...
he will have every agreement and addendum...
- the complete closing package - flawlessly revised.
So you'll miss another opera you would've slept during anyway.
We now have an opportunity to show our clients how well...
we will rise to his exhilarating challenge.
Yes?
- Nicholas Van Orton? - Who is this?
- This is Cynthia from CRS. - How'd you get this number?
- We finished processing your application. - Look, I'm in a meeting right now.
I'm afraid it was rejected.
- I beg your pardon'? - You shouldn't feel this reflects negatively on you.
We hope we haven't caused you any inconvenience.
- Oh, this is ridiculous. - Thank you for thinking of CRS.
Anything wrong?
Uh, no, no. Nothing.
You may hang up...
or press “pound” for more options.
- This is Conrad. - Leave a message.
Yes, Connie, it's Nicholas.
Give me a ring when you get in.
Oh, uh...
regarding your birthday present, uhm...
things are a little crazy right now.
I don 'f really know if I can fit it in my schedule.
But we'll talk about it at dinner tomorrow. Thanks. Bye.
Hello?
With the resulting rise of unemployment and the decline...
in viable small businesses.
Meanwhile, Republican leaders argue that its passage...
would be the very stimulant...
that a sluggish economy needs.
No one has expressed an opinion as to how if will impact ..
The pampered existence of Nicholas Van Orton.
The one thing on which both Democrats and Republicans seem to agree...
is that most Americans harbor serious doubts...
about the economic future.
A recent poll suggests a staggering 57 percent...
of American workers believe there is a very real chance...
they will be unemployed within the next five to seven years.
But what does that matter...
to a bloated millionaire fat cat like you?
In other financial news, stock markets...
rose both domestically and abroad today...
after the announcement of stronger-than-expected earnings...
by several high-tech companies...
but dipped again reacting to reports that Nicholas Van Orton had to sneeze.
Are you gonna spend the rest of the evening prying at that clown's mouth?
- I-I-I don't...
- it's frustrating for me if you don't... if you don't pay attention.
What is this?
This is your game, Nicholas, and welcome to it.
I'm here to let you in on a few ground rules.
You received the very first key, and others will follow.
You'll never know where you'll find them...
or how you'll need to use 'em.
- So keep your eyes open. - How do you - You can see me?
Let us save the questions till afterwards.
How does this work?
There's a tiny camera looking at you right now.
- That's impossible. - You're right. Impossible.
You're having a conversation with your television.
It's miniaturized.
Do you know how dangerous that is?
- Mr. Van Orton? - And in domestic news -
- Yes, Ilsa, what is it? - Is everything all right?
- Fine. - ...petroleum processing plant yesterday.
- Fine. - I've finished for the evening. Will you be needing anything else?
No, I won't, Ilsa. Thank you. Good night.
Good night, then.
In a petroleum processing plant yesterday.
Several workers were injured in the - Who's that?
Never mind who that is.
You want to know how a camera got into your home.
Yes, I would.
Cold.
C-C-C-Colder.
W- W-Warm.
Warmer-r-r-r.
Write this number down. It's a 24-hour...
Consumer Recreation Services hotline for emergencies only.
But don't call asking what the object of the game is.
Figuring that out is the object of the game.
Good luck, and congratulations...
on choosing CRS.
Threatened to have the American ambassador expelled after the incident.
The US State Department responded quickly with a formal apology...
and announced the ambassador's immediate and voluntary removal.
Can you spare a little change? Help me out here, huh?
Huh?
If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.
May I help you?
What is it?
What?
Thank you.
Bud.
Can you help me out?
I need some toilet paper. I ran out.
Just go into the next stall.
Come on. Help me out.
Hello?
- Didn't expect to see you here. - I wanted to wish you luck.
- You've been up all night. - I checked it personally.
I appreciate that, Sam. Why don't you go home and get some sleep?
- You're sure you don't want me along? - No, I'll be fine.
Mm-hmm. Nice shirt.
Don't ask, huh?
Ciao.
All these years...
the first time ever you step foot in these offices...
it's to ask me to step down.
You promised to meet the projections, Anson.
$1.60 a share is what you said.
I don't think this visit comes as a surprise.
- Projections were far too optimistic. - Admittedly, yes.
Our EPS was $1.50 last quarter. We're up eight cents per share.
The expectations were ten, and in this case the expectations meant everything.
Will you really hold me to it over pennies?
My stock is falling. I don't know about yours.
- Those pennies are costing millions. - Give me...
Give me next quarter.
If you still feel this way, vote your shares.
Today is what counts, Anson.
No.
You -
You intractable son of a bitch.
If your father could see you now.
- What? - Your father was a friend.
A friend, goddamn it. I've watched you grow up.
Because you went fishing with my father, I should sit on my hands...
while you're throwing my money away?
- I... - I'm not finished.
Now, you misspoke before when you said you're stepping down.
I am firing you.
Action is taken, confidence is restored...
and the stock goes up.
There's no Baer-Grant Publishing -
no Baer-Grant Publishing -
without Anson Baer.
Where's Stuart Grant? He's probably out there...
sailing, enjoying his golden years...
wondering where the hell you are, Anson.
I'm sorry.
You failed.
I have prepared a severance package...
that is more than equitable.
Valid until this evening.
I could fight you at this.
If I leave without your signature...
this agreement begins to disintegrate.
Benefits shrink, options narrow...
and your compensation will be shriveled.
I think it's in your best interest, Anson...
to-
Well, I guess this is your... lucky day.
My lawyers will be in touch with you.
Excuse me. Has Conrad Van Orton left a message?
I'll check on it right away, Mr. Van Orton.
Thank you.
Aah! Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Here. Here. - Please, don't do that.
I'm so sorry. I wasn't even looking.
- I'm really having a bad clay. - How about a bad month?
You did almost exactly the same thing to me when I was here last week.
- Here. - Don't do that. Just get me some napkins...
and some soda water.
It looks like the, uh, cleaning bill's gonna be more than the suit.
I don't think so.
- It was an accident, sir. - Terrific.
I said I was sorry.
Asshole.
Christine, Mr. Van Orton is a valued customer.
- Fine. Then you kiss his ass. - Don't you talk to me like that.
I apologized. I offered to help. What do you want me to do?
- Clean out your locker. - What?
You heard me.
I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Van Orton.
If you're not too uncomfortable, will this table suit you for a complimentary meal?
It'll be fine.
- I'll fetch your waiter. - Thank you.
Check, sir.
Fuck you and your vichyssoise, you little -
Miss? Pardon me, miss.
- Oh, great. It's you. - I don't know how this works...
but do you have something for me?
I, uh...
- I received this, uh - this note. - What are you babbling about, psycho?
- I need to know what is going on. - You want to know what's going on?
I'm going on my second job this month. Now it looks like I'm going on unemployment.
- Maybe I should try to explain. I... - Don't explain.
Just fuck off.
Son of a bitch!
I am - I'm trying to - I am apologizing. I -
Jesus, what is this?
- What's with him? - I don't know. He just - He fell down.
Sir, can you hear me? Do you know what to do?
I don't even know if he's breathing. He's -
- Move your head. - Oh, God. Oh - - Don't stand there. Get help.
Hey. Hey. It's okay.
- We're gonna get help. - How do we know he's real?
He's pissing his pants, mister. Is that real enough for you?
- Oh, my God. - He's turning blue.
Police! Police!
- You have to fill these forms out. - I don't know this man.
- Here. What do you need? - I can't get involved in this.
- I'm gonna have to detain you. - Detain me?
- The report's got to be filled out. - She can do the report.
- Ride with your wife, and we'll meet at the hospital. - The hospital?
- Two blocks away. - She's not my wife.
Let's go.
This is insane.
Ten minutes ago, I was about to enjoy a quiet little dinner.
I received this note.
- He's breathing, isn't he? - Yes.
Is the siren entirely necessary?
Thanks.
Let's just talk to someone who can get this over with, shall we?
Hang on.
They need your driver's license number.
Oh, no. You've got to be kidding.
What is happening here?
This is what I was trying to explain to you. This is a, uh, a game.
- A what? - It's a company. They plan elaborate pranks.
Things like this. I don't really understand it myself.
What are you talking about? This is a -
The lights, they went out, a hundred people ran away.
What, so you mean the guy who just...
pissed himself and turned blue was-was -
Sorry about that.
You should be.
Why are they involving you?
There's got to be a...
thingy, a flashlight.
Oh, great.
I thought that guy was gonna die. I gave him mouth-to-mouth.
I'll see ya around.
- How do you know that's the way? - I don't.
Where'd you all go, you motherfuckin' frat boys?
You'd better hide.
- Lobby? - Right.
My brother got me this gift certificate to this company.
I-I got the key out of this...
out of the mouth of this... wooden clown.
Never mind.
I don't like this.
- There's no signal. - What is the going rate...
for a "trapped in the elevator" adventure?
Oh, don't even think about it.
- Why not? - Read what the sign says: “Warning."
"Do not attempt to open. If elevator stops,"
- "use emergency”... - phone... if there was one.
And "wait for help” so...
let's just wait for help.
- Okay, I'll give you a boost. - You can - You can go first.
This is not an attempt to be gallant.
If I don't lift you, how are you gonna get up?
Well, you'll pull me up.
It's easier my way. Come on, step up.
- No. - Oh, please.
I'm not wearing any underwear.
Okay. There, I said it.
Okay.
- We can use this like a ladder. - My hero. Let's go.
I don't think so.
Thank you.
Damn it! My briefcase!
I'll wait.
Not as if anybody could open it.
Wait a minute. This is CRS.
- What's CRS? - This is the company I was telling you about.
The one that gave me the gift certificate.
This is their building.
We'll wait - We'll wait for security to come...
and we'll just explain.
They'll love that. Explain for both of us.
Wait-Wait! Wait!
W-Wait a minute.
We don't want to draw any attention.
- Just out for a stroll. - Run.
We can't fit down there!
- Are you trying to ditch me? - Hey, you're a grown man!
- I'm not responsible - - I'm not the one who started running.
Well, I'm not the one that started this -
- Get up there! - I'm going!
Here. Climb.
Climb.
So where's your modesty around attack dogs?
Shit!
Hey! Shut up, you fuckin' dogs!
I go first.
There goes a thousand dollars.
- Your shoes cost a thousand dollars? - That one did.
Here. Come on.
There you go.
Watch out for nails and rats.
What?
There should be a fire escape.
Ah, it's classic.
Why me?
Who are you?
Nicholas Van Orton.
What are you, a czar or something?
All right.
I think...
if we drop from here...
the garbage will break our fall.
I think not. Be careful!
What the fuck are you looking at?
On. Holy shit.
Table for two, please.
- Where are we going? - That tall, bright building.
It's right near here.
Everything okay, miss?
Yeah. How are you doing?
San Francisco's finest.
Is there someplace I could throw this?
- There's a wastebasket beside the desk. - Oh.
I think I have a fresh sweatshirt for you somewhere.
That'd be great.
You know, you've never even asked me my name.
The maitre d' said your name was Christine.
Ah, right.
I guess I'll call you a cab.
You got a shower in your office?
- Yeah. - You an athlete or something?
No, I'm an investment banker.
I move money from one place to another.
Actually, would you mind if I just quickly rinsed off?
No.
Is there a towel I could use?
Yeah, it's behind the door.
- Oh. I'll just be a second. - No problem.
Listen, I - I know the owner of the City Club...
and I'd be happy to give him a call, if you'd like.
Don't. It was a shitty job anyway. I overreacted.
I, uh...
I have a confession to make.
Someone gave me 400 bucks...
to spill drinks on you as a practical joke.
Really? And what'd they say?
Well, they said 300. I said four. They said, “The guy in the gray flannel suit.”
I think I said, “The, uh...
attractive guy in the gray flannel suit?”
Mr. Van Orton, I was afraid you weren't going to make it back.
Thank you.
- Hello? - Mr. Van Orton, it's Maria.
- I thought I should call. - What time is it?
It's 11:00. I took the liberty...
of rescheduling your meeting with Allison and Dietrich.
No, no, no. I'll be in there in an hour.
Uh, can you, uh -
I left my briefcase at 1019 Montgomery Street.
Could you check with lost and found, please?
- Anson Baer is in town at the Ritz-Carlton. - Really?
- He's requesting dinner tonight. - Well, we'll see about that.
And the Hotel Nikko called to say...
they have your American Express card at the front desk.
You left it there last night.
- Should I send someone - - No, just give me the number.
- 555-1111. - I'll call you back.
- Good morning. Hotel Nikko. - Yes, this is Nicholas Van Orton.
I'm told you have my American Express card.
Yes, Mr. Van Orton. Everything's in order.
The concierge has arranged for the wine and flowers in the room.
- Has he? - And a young woman phoned...
to say she's en route but running a little late.
Did the young woman leave her name?
I'm sure I don't know.
Of course you don't. Thank you.
Sorry. My fault.
Ah, Mr. Van Orton.
Welcome back.
Here we go.
Have we met?
I believe so.
If you'll just sign here on the signature card.
Thank you.
- My key? - Hmm?
Don't I get a key?
Didn't I give you one last night?
No, I don't think so.
Cute. That's very cute.
This way, sir.
Have a nice day.
Housekeeping.
Could you, uh, come back a little later?
Aah! Shit!
Thank you, sir.
Where the fuck is he?
- Why are you following me? - What are you talking about?
I'm not following you. I'm just driving -
- Hey, whatever I'm doing is none of your business. - Is Anson Baer the game?
- Is that what this is all about? - Look, buddy.
Back off. Just back off, huh?
- What - - Oh, that's cute.
That's really cute.
I suppose the game uses real bullets, huh?
Jesus Christ!
All right. I'm a private investigator.
- Somebody hired me to keep tabs on you. - Who? Who hired you? Who hired you?
Mr. Van Orton?
Maria, get hold of Sutherland.
Have him meet me at the Ritz-Carlton. I'm on my way.
- What's happened? - Follow me, Sam.
Ah, Nicholas. This is unexpected.
Now, do you really believe...
that just because you publish children's books...
people are gonna care about my reputation?
You can have pictures of me wearing nipple rings...
butt-fucking Captain Kangaroo.
The only thing they care about is the stock...
and whether that stock is up or down!
- Daddy? - It's all right.
And the fact that you bring Conrad...
into this juvenile game...
is unconscionable.
- Are you finished? - No, I'm not finished!
I'd like you to meet my attorney, Samuel Sutherland.
I think the two of you have got something to talk about.
Oh, we met this morning.
I signed the termination contract for Baer-Grant.
I accepted your settlement, Nicholas.
You were right. I'm going sailing. You know - sailing.
You are welcome to join our lunch, and maybe we can straighten this out.
You remember my wife, Mary Carol, and my daughter-in-law, Kaleigh.
Please, uh...
accept my...
misguided, uh...
How concerned should I be?
It was a misunderstanding.
It looks a lot like you.
Well, you should see what they do with the nightly news.
- What? - Can I ask you to do me a favor?
- You know you can. - Find out about a company...
called Consumer Recreation Services.
Sounds like they make tennis racquets.
- What do you know? - Uh
Wait a minute. They gave me a waiver.
- What is this? - It's a wai...
It's...
I don't believe it. It's invisible ink.
- You're joking. - This is what I'm dealing with.
I'm being toyed with by a bunch of depraved children. This...
Are you okay?
Tell me not to worry.
You don't have to worry.
- I promise. - Okay.
I'll call you later.
Right. Okay. Bye.
Maria, the other night, last night...
I got a taxi for a young woman named Christine.
- What' s the company that we use'? - United.
- What? - United Taxi Company.
United Taxi Company. Call United, find out who the driver was...
and where they took her.
Ilsa?
Aah! Shit!
I have a gun!
♪ When the men on the chessboard ♪
"♪ get up and tell you where to go ♪
♪ and you've just had some kind of mushroom ♪
♪ and your mind is moving low ♪
♪ go ask Alice ♪
♪ I think she'll know ♪
♪ when logic ♪
♪ and proportion ♪
♪ have fallen sloppy dead ♪
♪ and the White Knight is talking backwards ♪
♪ and the Red Queen's off with her head ♪
♪ remember ♪
- ♪ what the dormouse said ♪ - You fuckers!
♪ feed your head ♪
Ilsa!
- Ilsa! Ilsa! - Mr. Van Orton!
- Are you all right? - What do you mean? What's happened?
- The house! You haven't seen the house? - What's wrong?
There's been a break-in. Lock your door. Stay inside. Just lock your door.
Oh, be careful!
- 9-1-1 emergency. - Yes, I need the police.
There's been a break-in to my house.
Okay, sir. Stay on the line and give me your address.
My address is 2210 Broadway.
- It's the biggest house on the street. - Sir, you said it was a break-in?
- Yes. Yes, there's been a break-in. - Are you sure they're gone?
What?
Are you sure there's not still someone somewhere in the house?
- Aah! - Nicky! Shh!
- Hello, sir? You still there? - Meet me at your car.
Hello? Sir?
- All right, what happened? - Shh!
- Conrad, where are we go- - Shh, shh, shh. Just wait.
What are you doing? What-
They're methodical. If I can't trust the room service in the hotel, I sure as hell can't trust the fucking car.
- Who? - CRS! Who do you think?
Jesus! When I think what I almost got you into.
- What are you saying? - Oh, I'm so fucked!
They just fuck you and they fuck you and they fuck you!
And just when you think it's all over, that's when the real fucking starts!
All right, calm down. Just take a breath.
They won't stop, Nick.
I paid the bill. I gave them their fuckin' money.
- They won't leave me alone! - What are they doing to you?
Everything. I'm a goddamn human piñata!
Calm down! Why do they keep playing if you already paid?
I don't know. I don't know.
I paid 'em more to make it stop!
- They did this. - It's a flat tire.
- How do you know? - Get a grip on yourself, will you?
- We'll figure it out! - Okay. Okay.
- The phone doesn't work. I can't get a signal. - Really?
- You know how to change a tire? - No. Don't you?
It can't be that hard. I don't think we should be out in the open like this.
Hit the Teletrac. It's in the glove compartment.
You're with them.
What?
You're doing this. You're part of it.
What?
Whose are these?
I don't know about those. Somebody put them in the car.
You're behind the whole thing, aren't you?
What are you talking about? You brought them to me!
No, these were in your car. They were right there...
- in your fucking car! - Conrad!
- Listen to what you're saying! - No! You're not gonna control this conversation!
Why would I ever do what you're describing?
- Because you resent me! - Stop being emotional.
- It kills you that I'm living my life. - Lower your voice, Conrad!
What? You're afraid somebody's gonna witness a scene?
- Get back in your fucking house! - Will you stop it?
I'm calling the cops.
You're just so afraid somebody's gonna see...
- what' a manipulative fucking control freak you are! - What is wrong with you? What are you on?
Oh, I'm sorry, Nick.
I'm sorry I didn't live up to expectations.
- Ah, bullshit! - I'm not you. I'll never be you.
- I don't want to be you. - There you go again.
- I'm your brother! - Always pushing the responsibility out on me.
- For chrissake, I'm your brother! - All I ever tried to do was help you.
I don't want your help! Nobody asked you to play Dad!
No! You don't say that! Did I have a choice?
Get out of the road, jackass!
Conrad!
What?
- All I ever tried to do was help you! - I don't want your help!
- Nobody asked you to play Dad! - Did I have a choice? Did I have a choice?
Taxi!
2210 Broadway.
Hey, buddy, you missed the turn.
Hey. Did you hear me?
You missed the turn back -
Oh, no. No, no. Stop the car!
Thank you. Open the door.
Unlock the door. Open the goddamn door!
Listen, I am...
a very wealthy man...
and whatever they're paying you, I'll double it.
What? What?
What? No!
What are you, out of your fuckin' mind?
It's a game.
Here they are.
- Detective, I'm Sam Sutherland. - Tim Foley.
Do you know where we're going?
It's this way. Fourteenth floor.
Okay. Management for the building says the space...
hasn't been officially rented yet.
The county recorder has no listing...
for a Consumer Recreation Service...
or any derivation thereof.
The divers, they're still looking for the cab.
As soon as they find it, they'll pull the plates and the VIN.
Have you spoken to your brother?
He hasn't called me back yet, no.
What about the house?
The graffiti was an oil-based marine marking solution. Illegal in the States.
It's not impossible to trace, but it'll take time.
The photo, the gun...
the clown, the ambulance -
it's all pending.
Breaking and entering we got solid.
Malicious mischief, vandalism, harassment, but that's all.
Illegal surveillance. Reckless endangerment.
Attempted murder.
Except you said you hired these guys.
- That's irrelevant. - Now, look.
It's ourjob to tell you what we've got. So far, we don't have motive.
What was my father like, Ilsa?
Why do you ask?
I don't know.
All the time I've known you, you've never once asked about him.
Well, I guess he was just on my mind.
Your mother loved your father very much.
I think he just worked too hard.
Was he...
morose? I mean -
What I remember most...
was that his manner was so... slight.
You could spend time in a room...
and not even know that he'd been there the whole time.
No, what I mean is...
- before he... - What happened? No.
Nobody expected it.
I wonder how much of him there is in me.
Not much, I think.
Was Mother worried about him?
Nobody ever worried about your father.
- Yes? - It's Maria. I found the address you wanted from United Taxi.
- Yeah, give it to me. - It's on Potrero Hill.
Who are you?
Christine... is she here?
- She's sleepin'. - Amy, who is it?
Hey. What are you doing here?
Can we talk?
Sure.
- Hi. - Hi.
I didn't think I'd ever see you again.
What can you tell me about these?
Is this you?
Where'd you get them?
My hotel room. It was in my hotel room.
Are you telling me that this is not you?
What makes you, um...
think this is me?
Well... the bra. The red bra.
Okay.
Well, I thought that -
Can I sit down for a minute?
Sure.
Are you all right?
You're not all right, are you?
Is it this contest thing...
that you're in still, or -
I'm sorry. I'm being a nuisance. I should go.
No, it's okay. We can talk. I'll put some clothes on. I'll be right back.
Do you have an aspirin or -
- Can I get you something to drink with this? - Is this you?
Oh, yeah. That's, uh, First Communion.
- Show it to me. - What's wrong?
Take the picture out of the frame and show it to me.
All right.
They're watching.
- What? - Not here.
They can see.
The, uh... smoke detector.
What do you say, uh...
Let's go for a drive or something. We can...
No, no, no. I am tired of this.
- I am goddamn tired of this. - We'll-we'll go for a drink. There's a...
Who do you people think you are? Who do you think you are?
- Come on out of there! - Nicholas, please.
Let's go, right now! Come out of there right now!
Now you've done it.
- Shit! - So what are they going to do?
Get away from the window.
- What is this? - Wake up. It's a fucking con!
Get in! Get in!
You all right? Hold on.
- Get out of the car. - I could've handed you to them.
- They find me now and I'm dead. - Get out of the goddamn car!
You don't have a choice.
No one else is gonna tell you what's going on!
You want to know? 'Cause if I'm gone, you never will.
I can't believe they didn't take the time to get the fuckin' house right.
- Who are “they”? - I don't know. Nobody does. I'm an employee.
- Then what good are you? - I know things, like who you can trust...
- and that your brother was in on it from the beginning. - That's a lie!
Yeah? I was your waitress on your birthday. Connie told you about CRS that day.
Ever seen me in there before?
Sorry.
It wasn't his fault. I guess he thought it was his only way up.
- They fleeced him real good. - How? How did they get to him?
- Did the same thing to him they did to you. - What are you talking about?
Have you checked your accounts?
That night in your office I got the number to your private line and modem.
That gave CRS remote access to your computer.
- You already gave them everything else. - When?
You took their tests - handwriting, voice samples, psych info.
They used it all to figure out your passwords.
And Feingold, the guy who signed you up...
he did five years for hacking Citibank.
They only had to keep you distracted while they broke into your financial network...
- transferred your holdings into dummy accounts. - Overseas operator, please.
Why else would they be willing to shoot at us?
Allgemeine Bank, Zurich, Switzerland.
'Cause they're finished with you.
Alive, dead, it's the same...
long as you disappear.
Guten Tag. Englisch, bitte.
Ja. Can I have your code?
Yes. Blue 2...
backslash 9-6-9-0...
D as in “David.”
That's right. The balance?
- That's impossible. - They already got it, Nicholas.
They got everything.
- You've reached the Sutherlands. Please leave a message.
As you get this message, Sam, I have checked them all.
I don't know how...
but they have drained my accounts.
They're trying to kill me. Now, you call the cops.
I've got one of them right here. We'll make her testify.
I know how this sounds...
but you call me on my cellular...
and you be careful.
He, uh, cut your card in half, so...
it's, uh, my treat.
You take two sugars, right?
Never mind.
My name's not Christine. I mean, it's not my real name.
Who fuckin' cares?
It's just money. You should be glad you're alive.
I'd rather not talk about it right now.
- All I mean is, someone like you - - How many times have you done this?
- I'm curious. - What? - These scams.
Con games. How many?
- Lots. - Well, whatever nickel-dime bullshit you pulled in the past...
this is more than just me.
This is pension plans, payrolls.
This is $600 million.
- Yes? - Nick, it's Sam. I got your message.
- I was disturbed, to say the least. - So what are we gonna do?
I've been on the phone for an hour already.
Nicholas, your funds are intact.
Nothing's been touched.
What are you talking about? I checked on them myself.
- Who is it? - I made the calls.
Nothing's changed.
I'm telling you, not one cent is unaccounted for.
Who is it?
My attorney says that nothing is missing.
He's in on it.
- I don't know what the hell is happening, but stay where you are until I get there. - Sutherland's in on it.
Nicholas, I have another call. Give me your precise location.
Nicholas?
I've got to get out of here.
How did they get to him?
Why did I...
I wouldn't worry about it.
What do you mean?
It's out of your hands.
Cellular calls can be intercepted, you know.
You know all those calls you made - B of A - France -
B of A - France - - Switzerland - You were talking to us.
You filled in the blanks.
Access codes - passwords -
stuff even your lawyer didn't have.
But we have it now, so we're done.
Bye, Nicholas.
The embassy? American embassy?
- Por allá. - Thank you.
Some things have happened, and it's important that...
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
No money, no identification...
no passport.
What happened to you?
Where to begin? Um...
- it's complicated. - It always is.
I, um - I was on holiday alone...
and I was robbed by two men...
Robbed?
What hotel were you staying at?
I, um... I don't remember. I, um...
Have you gone to the police?
I don't speak Spanish.
And I just need enough to get out of here.
We'll help with the local law enforcement, if you want to bother.
As far as money is concerned...
can I make a suggestion?
You say you were mugged?
And they didn't take that watch?
How much is a watch like that worth?
A couple of hundred at least, hmm?
A man with a watch like that doesn't necessarily have...
a passport problem.
Excuse me.
Could I have your attention, please?
Thank you.
Anybody here going to San Francisco? I need a ride.
I've got $18...
and 78 cents...
for a ride to San Francisco.
Anybody?
- Keep the change. - Thanks, man.
Conrad Van Orton - could you ring his room, please?
One moment, please.
Is there a problem?
- You're here for Conrad Van Orton? - Yes.
- I'm the manager. - It's a pleasure to meet you. Where is my brother?
- Will you come with me, sir? - Wait a minute. Is there trouble?
Sir, this is a private matter for you.
There were some complaints by other guests. Damage to his room.
We did the best we could to accommodate his behavior.
- His behavior? - Yes, sir.
There was an... incident...
a few days ago.
A nervous breakdown, they said.
The police who took him...
they left this address in case anyone came.
It's a hospital in Napa, sir.
I'm terribly sorry.
Elizabeth, I need to borrow your car.
Nicky...
what happened to you? I mean...
- look at you. - Look at me. What happened?
I don't know. I have some things I have to do.
I need your car.
Of course you can have it if you need it.
Can't I get you something to eat?
You know that you're the only person that I can trust?
Everyone else - if Sam Sutherland calls you...
you don't tell him you talked to me - you lie.
And whatever else happens before these people -
Okay. Coffee...
English muffin, and your water.
This bottle is open. Who opened this bottle?
- Yeah, I opened it. - I don't want an opened bottle.
I want an unopened bottle. And I don't want ice in my glass.
I want just a glass. Please.
Nicky, talk to me. You're scaring me.
I don't even know what you're saying.
I'm sorry, Liz. I don't mean it. I'm sorry.
You know, I've been...
thinking the last couple of days.
I've had some - some spare time.
And I wanted to tell you that...
I understand why you left me...
and I know that I resented it.
I want to apologize to you...
for shutting you out...
for not being there...
and I hope that you can forgive me.
You're tired. You've been on the go for days.
- There's nothing to forgive. - Then the pain sets in.
The onset of a migraine headache. If this sounds all too familiar...
- relief is here at last. - Oh, no. You bastards!
Taggarene. For nearly a decade, doctors have been prescribing...
- How did you find me here? - ...available in nonprescription strength.
Taggarene is strong medicine for headaches...
- toothaches, muscle fatigue, joint pain. - He's an actor.
So if you trust your doctor, trust Taggarene.
He's an actor on television.
Someday I'll explain.
Could I borrow your Yellow Pages?
Thank you.
New Moon Café.
“Best in Chinatown.”
Get out of the car, fucker.
Open the door and leave it running.
- You're making a mistake here. - Get the fuck out of the car!
Get the fuck out of the car.
I am extremely fragile right now.
New Moon Café.
- He does commercials. - Do you know how many customers we have?
- Hundreds. Thousands. - I know he ordered from you.
It went to Montgomery Street. 1019 Montgomery-
ls there anybody here that can help me?
He's an actor. He's like one of these people you have here up on your -
Hey! Where you taking my picture?
We were hoping he could audition today.
He'd really be perfect for this part.
Oh, it'll break his heart.
Well, is there any place we could contact him?
Well, his beeper's here on the table.
He took the kids to the zoo.
The zoo? That's very, very sweet.
- Which zoo? - The one with the white tiger.
Lionel Fisher, I love your work.
Okay, please. Look, I, uh... I got my kids.
Get rid of 'em.
All right, guys, guys. Snack time, all right?
More snacks. Here. Go, go, go.
All right, look, uh...
it was just a job.
Nothing personal. You know, I play my part...
improvise a little. I mean, it's what I'm good at.
- We need to talk. Who's in charge? - Nobody knows.
Ain't nobody gets a big picture.
Hey, Tammy, Alex, cut it out. Damn it. Why do they do that?
The offices are empty. I need to find out where they are.
Look, they own the whole building.
They just move from floor to floor.
And you work for them, right? You can get me in.
- No, I can't. - Oh, yes, you can.
You can tell 'em the police called. You gotta speak to somebody.
Tell them I'm gonna blow the whistle on them.
What whistle? There's no fucking whistle.
This is very dangerous.
I don't think that you understand.
Right now...
I am extremely dangerous.
Michael? Guys?
Come on. We're leaving.
Well, we're here.
Drive in.
What are you gonna do anyway?
You won't get your money back.
I don't care about money.
I'm pulling back the curtain. I want to meet the wizard.
Hey.
He's eyeing us like Tiffany Towers.
Pull in somewhere where they won't see you.
Stay down, stay down, stay down.
You're not allowed to be here.
They called me back. I got a fitting.
He's with me.
- You don't need me. - Shut up.
- Get in there. - All right. Okay.
Cuff him to the rail.
What floor?
You're fucked. You're both - You gotta listen to me.
- Where? - I told you, they hired me over the phone.
- Where did you pick up your checks? - It was a different floor then.
- Guess. - Like, around this way, sort of.
I don't know. I -
All right, take it easy. Be cool.
Shh. It's gonna be a surprise.
Oh, fuck!
What are you doing here?
Back from the dead.
Nicholas, you're not about to shoot anyone.
Turn around.
You're gonna come with me.
Everybody down!
Where are we going?
Slop!
All right. What do you think you're doing?
You tell me!
Who's behind this? Who did this to me?
- Why? - What do you mean, “why"?
- Who is responsible for this? - How deluded can you be?
It wasn't you. It wasn't personal.
It could've been any asshole with a couple hundred million in the bank.
Get on that radio. You get your boss up here. You tell them I'm gonna shoot somebody.
Who am I gonna call, Nicholas? They won't do it.
Oh, yes, they will. You get somebody up here, because I'm gonna kill you.
They don't care about me, Nicholas. They'll let me die.
You're not in a position to threaten anyone.
- Wait a minute. Where'd you get that? - What?
Th-That gun. That's not an automatic.
- What the fuck are you talkin' about? - The guard had an automatic. Where'd you get the gun?
- This is my gun. - We-We searched the house.
Well, I guess you missed this, didn't you?
We got a situation here. We got a real goddamn gun -
- What are you doing? - Nicholas, it's fake.
- It's part of your game. - Don't you start with me now!
- Don't fucking start with me! - I'm telling you the truth!
- This is all the game. - Bullshit, all right? Bullshit!
I know what happened to that guy. They shot Feingold. They killed him!
- Think about it. What did you see? - I saw them kill him!
No, what did you really, really see this whole time?
Special effects. Squibs. Like in the movies.
Nicholas. Nicholas, listen.
Get up here. We've got a real gun with real goddamn bullets - Okay, I'll put it down!
Feingold. Mr. Fisher. He's on the other side of that door.
- He's an actor. - He tried to kill me.
No one's trying to kill you. Please put that gun down. You're about to make the biggest mistake of your life.
There was always a safety net. The taxi, there was a diver. My house...
- they just shot' at us with blanks! - It's not true.
It is. It's what you hired us for.
They're waiting on the other side of that door with champagne. Nicholas -
Please, goddamn it! Conrad - Conrad's there!
- It's your birthday party. - You stop lying!
Let me show you.
Don't you move.
He's got a gun! Get back from the door!
You shot him!
Someone - Someone call an ambulance!
He's dead.
We thought you knew.
How'd you let this get so out of hand?
He-he wouldn't listen to me.
We went through this over and over.
The mark is your responsibility.
You never - never -
let the mark take over.
- I'm sorry. - He could've got us killed.
I'm sorry.
You had a walkie-talkie.
I used the walkie-talkie.
We're going to jail.
We're all going to jail for the rest of our lives.
Oh, God.
Nicholas!
We've got him. He's on the bag.
He came in right on target. Stand by for further medical.
Keep everyone back until we've cleared away the breakaway glass.
Mr. Van Orton, don't open your eyes.
It's breakaway glass, but it can still cut you.
- Just gonna take a look at you. - I'm gonna check your pulse.
Just take it easy. That was quite a fall.
Happy birthday, Nicky.
W-What is this?
It's your birthday present.
I had to do something. You were becoming such an asshole.
Ladies and gentlemen, my brother, Nicholas Van Orton.
Amazing! Great job!
This was the best ever.
Thank God you jumped, because if you didn't...
- I was supposed to throw you off. - Thanks.
We have to head home. I just wanted to say good-bye.
Rachel...
sweet dreams.
Thanks, Mel, for coming. Sorry about your car.
- I, uh, think I left it at the zoo. - No prob/em.
Happy birthday, Nicholas.
I'll call you. I really will.
Nicholas, I haven't a clue what this is all about...
but your taste in champagne is excellent...
- as always. - It was a great entrance.
Anson, I want to you know that what happened -
Oh, no, no, no, please.
I've never been happier in my whole life.
I thank you, and my wife thanks you.
Thank you for coming.
Thank you, Sam.
What's this?
Oh, this is...
the bill.
The bill?
Keep the pen.
Thank you both.
You want to split it?
Oh, God, yes, please. I'll take you up on that.
Oh, my God.
Thank you, Connie.
What happened to that, uh, waitress?
What was her name? Um... Christine?
She said something about catching a plane.
I just saw her out front trying to hail a cab.
Christine?
I, um - I didn't get a chance to say good-bye.
Well, thank you. I-I-I, um -
- You know, I never did ask you your name, did I? - No.
It's... Claire.
So you, uh, catching a plane or -
Yeah, we have a gig starting next week in Australia, so -
Gonna shear some more sheep?
- Just a walk-on this time. - Well, when you get back...
um...
maybe, you know, we could have some dinner.
You don't know anything about me.
No, I don't.
So you tell me.
- Well, what - - Where you're from.
Oh. Um -
Originally, huh? Oklahoma.
Colorado?
I've been doing this way too long.
You know, uh...
would you like to...
have a coffee with me at the airport?
♪ [“White Rabbit”] ♪
♪ One pill makes you larger ♪
♪ and one pill makes you small ♪
♪ and the ones that Mother gives you ♪
♪ don't do anything at all ♪
♪ go ask Alice ♪
♪ when she's ten feet tall ♪
♪ and if you go ♪
♪ chasing rabbits ♪
♪ and you know you're going to fall ♪
♪ tell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar ♪
♪ has given you the call ♪
♪ to call Alice ♪
♪ when she was just small ♪
♪ when the men on the chessboard ♪
♪ get up and tell you where to go ♪
♪ and you've just had some kind of mushroom ♪
♪ and your mind is moving low ♪
♪ go ask Alice ♪
♪ I think she'll know ♪
♪ when logic ♪
♪ and proportion ♪
♪ have fallen sloppy dead ♪
♪ and the White Knight is talking backwards ♪
♪ and the Red Queen's off with her head ♪
♪ remember ♪
♪ what the dormouse said ♪
♪ feed your head ♪
Subs cleaned & corrected by Tronar